Tuesday, June 29, 2004
i've moved to http://no-forever.blogspot.com . i need a brand new start!
Eunice @ 8:24:00 AM
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Sunday, June 27, 2004
i screwed up my blog!!
Eunice @ 9:53:00 PM
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Tuesday, June 22, 2004
hi...i'm bored..internet's down again..so decided to write this post in notepad first and then paste it in blogger later..last week hasn't been spent well..thinking a lot and a lot..which doesn't make me feel any better..i went to school last wednesday...thinking to enrol for semester 2 july intake..but the application for enrolment is over.i am 2 weeks late,which means i can't study under HECS. if i insist on studying in july, i have to pay the international student rate which is like $1500 per unit. AND i will be put under extension studies which doesn't confirm a place for me in the Bachelor of Commerce. another way is to wait another half a year to enrol for next year intake which i stand a chance of having a place in the course if i enrol earlier. *sigh* i didn't know i can apply for enrolment while withdrawing from the other course. i was waiting for the approval which came 2 weeks ago. and coincidentally, the deadline was 2 weeks ago. is this meant to be? had a teeny weeny tiff with steph too and she asked me to go the student advisor to ask if they can help me out. so i went today,response was negative. as expected. the person i actually talked to last week is a student advisor which reconfirms that i can't enrol till next year.i always tell myself that everything happens for a reason..but so many things happen, i dun wanna lie to myself and stay positive anymore.i'm really disappointed till the extend that i dun even care anymore.=\ i really wanna go to school and study hard,but i can't. when i see the girls studying hard for exams, i hope i can study with them..but i can't....when i heard that they are going down south this holidays..i hope i can go with them too..but i can't..cos i got no money.when they ask me to join them for lunch,i can't cos i got no money and i dun think i should spend the money on having lunch outside either.i'm feeling so left out cos my situation doesn't allow me to fit in with them. it may seem like i'm playing gunbound everyday,spending my time away day by day doing nothing. but i dun wanna stay at home everyday..i dun like it at all..i'm not happy at all living such life now.it makes me feel so useless.everyday is so meaningless.i know i can go and work...let me feel better first..i dun even have the mood to do anything now.
i just feel like slapping myself hard across the face,feel like locking myself up and hide away from everyone. i really feel like i got no face to meet anyone up. thinking that my friends are finishing university end of next year..and i will still be a year one student makes me feel even worst.no wonder i get look down..no wonder i was called a failure and loser. i'm really not happy at all..but nobody understands how i feel. it's like disappointment after disappointment. i tried to pick myself up but i fall again and again, feeling more pain than before. my sister's friend who knows i play gunbound everyday,messaged me on gunbound that night,hinting to me that i play too much gunbound, i'm an adult and i'm wasting my time away like that. he told me he's 17 and he's schooling and yet i dropped out of uni. it just makes me feel worst.even a person who doesn't even know me well can come up to me and say such things. how would u feel if u were in my shoes? i really really hate this. seriously, if i didn't fall sick..all these things wouldn't be happening to me and i wouldn't be feeling this way now. i've been crying too much. i really hate myself. i've lost all the strength that made me strong in the past. i dun wanna try anymore...i've let my friends down...i'm sorry...really sorry...you guys would be better off not caring for me...just let me be alone, i dun need any comfort or lectures...=\...till then...take care my friends..don't blame me if i don't pick up your calls or reply ur messages...i hope u understand...everything just decided to turn upside down on me.
Eunice @ 9:58:00 AM
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