Tuesday, April 22, 2003
=*= Sleepyhead =*=
ahh~ finally i find a time to blog.actually i have lots of free time.but whenever i feel like blogging,i seem to have other things to do.or when i start typing,the feeling juz suddenly disappear,so i juz click on the little [X] button on the right hand top of the screen. =P~ having my two week school holidays now.what am i planning to do?i got no idea,slack?sleep?ahh,sleep would be nice.but it's so bloody hot todae,i was sleeping and i could feel the heat around me so i juz wake up.talked to Calvin from about 12pm till about 4 am yesterday.16 hours man!! haha,i haven't talked to someone for that long since ages ago.it's such a nice feeling u noe? i can't even talked that much to anyone now,not even my closest of frenz.calvin and i didn't onli talked online,we sms-ed when he went out.he didn't wan me to use my mobile phone to sms so i used icq-sms.i sms-ed till i reached my daily limit of sms.haha~so i used my sister's icq.i dunno what we talked about.we juz talked about anything,mostly crap anyway. =)..nice feeling.i was happie.hehehe!~there's so much i wanna write todae.haha~so much had happened since the last time i post an entry.ok,let me see,where shoud i start? school? oh school,i finally,and i mean
finally talked to this guy,Matthew,in my class.i talked to almost everyone in my class,but i dunno why i haven't talked to him yet.and u noe school has already started for 11 weeks? took me 11 weeks to actually talked to him.how did it happen? hmm,i accidentally drop my bottle on the floor and it landed beside his seat so he helped me picked it up and smiled at me.oh my god,i nearly melted.hahaha!~nah,it was nice of him.so i said "thank you" and smiled back.den i didn't get what the teacher said so he told me.well,not much we spoken but it's cool.i still got 3 more terms in school.hahaha!~he's tall and quite good looking,broad shoulders.ok i better stop blabbering on about him.=P
oh yeah,and u noe i was so pissed last thursday night.haha.ok,sam and jason asked me to go fishing with them.they asked me a few times already but i couldn't go.thursday was the last day of school,so i agreed to go with them since there was no school the next day.yeah,i didn't haf a fishing rod so i went to borrowed it off aileen when we went for coffee at Gelare.yeah,sam called me and said they will call me when they reach BP and den bring me down to fremantle to fish.they will call around 11-1130 so i waited and waited.till like almost 12am.i smsed them and ask where were they and they told me they are at fremantle already,they started fishing.i was pissed alrite,i mean i can joke with u always but i cannot tolerate when people stand me.and it's not the first time,the other time was when he asked me to meet him in school to teach him economics.irresponsible ass.hahaha oops! i didn't say that.lalala~
sigh,everyone seem to be so busy this holidays.can't even gather around with my group of frenz from high school.they are really busy with their assignments and all that hey.it's cool.i understand that.juz missed being surrounded by frenz.it's been quite lonely since we all went to different schools.me too.it's been lonely for me.i dunno why am i still trying to ask bennie to come back to me.i noe it's stupid.i noe i shouldn't i should move on.but i juz felt like giving it another shot tho i noe the answer would be he's busy or he juz wouldn't reply.it hurts,but it's okay.they say "shou yi dian shang bing bu shi ke pa de shi,ren jiu shi zhe yang cai hui yue lai yue jian qiang" being hurt is nothing scary,only thru tears and hurt we will become stronger.lalalala~i'm so bored...oo, here comes calvin sms again. duhs~ icq is going to hate me soon!!! anyway,i got to go now.lost my feeling to blog again.see ya.
=*= Song Playing: Wu Yin Liang Pin - Bie Ren Dou Shuo Wo Men Chi Zao Hui Fen Kai =*=
Eunice @ 12:14:00 AM
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Saturday, April 12, 2003
=*= Feeling Numb + Dead =*=
how do i feel?...wad do i wanna say? i feel numb..i feel dead...and i say nothing.things changed overnight...didn't noe i'm such a person.had a mega big conflict with my 6 years best frenz last night.didn't noe i was so untrustable...didn't noe i am such a bad person.didn't noe there is still things to hide after being together for 6 years.tot we used to share things.this may sound very stupid but it's juz.imagine u're far away from all ur good mates,u're trying hard to keep in contact and stay close but u end up finding out that they were hiding something from you.yes i noe u got ur own privacy and i shouldn't interfere,i respect,but u guys end up saying i'm too sensitive and making a big fuss out of nothing.i noe i may sound childish i may sound immature and maybe im unreasonable.but my point is that i care,i'm worried so i asked.but i end up being the bad one.u guys are so important to me,more important than some other people,that's why this hiding from me thing is making such a big impact on me..u guys are like a part of my life and my soul.after last nite,i feel like i'm missing half a soul,half a life,and i lost the other half of my life when bennie left me.so i now have no life.i feel very numb.i noe i am sensitive but why can't it be the other way round,and u guys being insensitive? i feel so empty inside.why do i oways care and my effort is not being appreciated.i wanna be alone for awhile,isolating myself,not gonna answer any calls and sms messages.juz do me a favour and leave me alone.maybe i realli shud learn to be more independent,shall not rely on frenz and love ones anymore,maybe i shall juz stay in isolation.dunno,juz let me be....i'm hurt badly.who can i trust again.....
=*= Song Playing: Micheal W.Smith - Friends Forever =*=
Eunice @ 11:26:00 PM
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=*= Scary =*=
hi~why am i blogging again? cos i juz encountered something scary.well,not really.mainly cos i was scaring myself all the while.alrite,let me tell u guys wat happen.went to pick my sister and her friends up juz now from her friend house.i haven't been there and it was raining.there were no lights and the roads were all so fucking confusing.the roads either end up at a roundabout or split ends or dead ends.that's what it pisses me off the most.i came across this street as Central Park.it was in the middle of the new houses.anyway,u noe how in those ghost movies or stories,where no matter how u walk and walk u keep coming back to the same place? yeah.that was what happened to me!I was so scared alrite.cos no matter where i turn where i go i keep coming back to this lake! and it's hell scary cos i was so afraid something would suddenly crawl out of the lake or someone walking towards my car.and i had three other kids in my car.they were scared and they made me even more nervous.i was stuck in that stupid Canningvale place for about half an hour ok! i was on the verge of crying.how did i get out in the end? i do not noe,the road juz suddenly like appear in front of me.so i juz quickly get out of the place.i am hell not going back there anymore.it seems a little haunted.no i'm serious.it's scary at night,but it's realli nice during the day.man,i still can't forget that lake!! gonna have nightmares tonite already.the lake the lake the lake!!!
=*= Song Playing: Delta Goodrem - Born To Try =*=
Eunice @ 7:24:00 AM
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=*= Happiness??? =*=
i am so bored todae hey.well,i was talking to von for the past few days and realised how the internet realli can link hearts and friendships together.ok,von and i know each other online juz about like a year ago and i do not noe how we became good friends.it all juz started with her private messaging me on irc and share with me one of her problems.since then,we shared a lot of our ups and downs.met zhenyi online a year plus ago as well,we juz knew each other for maybe a few days and we clicked immediately.since then,we treated each other as best pals.TONGYI r0x!! yeah,jiaming also.knew him online as well,we saw each other before but we haven't talk face to face,he instantly became like a buddy to me.i dunno how to explain the feeling.itz juz,u feel like u can trust them and they can trust u.and then the friendship starts building stronger and stronger.some people dun believe that u can find real friends thru the internet cos they are all juz too fake.but i would strongly disagree cos i found so many friends online and they became my real friends not juz virtually.it's the internet that helped me and my 6 years friends keep in contact thru these years.however,can u find true love on the internet? i went to the icq website that day out of curiousity and saw mani people who met each other online and den got married.you can view it
here i reckoned itz so cool.well,i met my ex boyfriend online as well so i kinda believe in "love online".many people told me to be careful about people online as well,cos there are many cases around the world when people meet up,they either get raped or molested.to me,the internet sometimes also show a person's real attitude and personality.i do not look pretty and i do not look slim and i do not need people to judge me by my looks either.yes i may feel lonely i may feel sad when someone doesn't talk to me after they see my photo.and it realli realli hurts as well.especially when that person seems so close to u but when they see ur pic and stop talking to u,thats when it hurts the most.yeah anyway,what am i on about?those people who judge other by looks u can fuck off.get a life man.i bet u're not that handsome or pretty or whateer.even if u are,u got bad personality as well,u do not have a life and i strongly encourage u to go and get one.u bloody idiot.ok...i think i'm sounding a bit harsh and violent now.hurhur~this is juz me when i'm pissed.yeah,i do feel really down when people criticise me.i may cry and feel useless for a while.but hey,what have i done?why shud i be the one feeling down and guilty.i didn't do anything wrong did i? i juz look this way and i am happy.what for i bother about those idiots out there.i got friends who accept the way i look the way i am.that's all it matters rite!! so i juz wanna be happie and nobody can change that.those people who judge me by looks can never qualify to be my friends cos they sux!! hell yeah!! i don't give a damn about u u u and YOU! haha! okie..oh yeah,there's soccer match tonite. Manchester United VS Newcastle United! i'm a Man Utd fan!! so GO GO GO MAN UTD!!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!~ anyway,oneself only can find happiness by himself/herself and i'm gonna go find my happiness now~!!! see ya!!!
=*= Song Playing: Avril Lavigne - I Don't Give A Damn =*=
Eunice @ 1:20:00 AM
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Wednesday, April 02, 2003
=*= Hoping To Get Rid Of The Sadness =*=
.*sigh*. I miss him but what can I do..i lost him already.i noe he’s moving on with his life and I shud move on too but I dunno why I can’t.i wrote a letter to him that night which is oso the night that we have already broken up for a month,I cried while I wrote the letter.but I noe crying on won’t help.he ignores me now.i onli can accept it and move on.so I took a lot of courage to write that after this letter,dun contact me anymore.it hurts too much.i blurted out all my feelings and I think the letter sounded a bit harsh but I do not care anymore.on Monday when I went to send the letter, I was standing in front of the post office hesitating if I should realli send the letter.will I regret?i sent it anyway.i shud move on and get rid of the sadness as soon as possible.it’s been a month.it’s a long enuff period.i dun wanna be like how I used to be.i dun wanna sink into depression again.i wanna be cheerful,happie not someone who looks pathetic.i noe my frenz out there cares and loves me,I shudn’t neglect their care and concern.thanx frenz~u guys should noe who u are.i dun think I need to mention ur names do I? Anyway,stupid sam stood me up todae,we said to meet at 12:30pm todae so I could teach him economics.i even photocopied the whole chapter of my textbook for him cos he doesn’t have a textbook.in the end,he didn’t go to school todae.wat the…I was pissed off of course.made me wait there like a fool~bloody hell~gonna ask him tomorrow,he’s oways wagging.damn it…if he’s sick den it’s alrite.but if he went somewhere else instead den he’s gonna get it from me~hur~sigh~so boring man…feeling a bit sick now.oh yeah..a fishbone was stuck in my throat for the past two days,I was getting worried,wanted to go c the doctor today but the bone seem to have disappear this morning..i think it’s gone…hur~okie I better go now enuff of updating.heehee~
=*= Song Playing: X Japan – Endless Rain =*=
Eunice @ 3:25:00 AM
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