Thursday, July 31, 2003
=*= Missing =*=
gonna go for a long break everyone...i guess i really need time to sort things out...need to give myself some time..gonna hide in my room..stay away from everything and everyone..my mobile phone will still be on..but i think my blog will be stagnant for awhile..irc & icq..i dun think i'll be on..*sigh* i need time to be alone..maybe it will make me feel better..i'm really feeling so blank..everything & everyone seem so fake..just like what melisa said...yes i do feel like everyone looks like clay dolls with moving mouths..feel like i'm in a dream..but i'm not...even sitting in front of the computer typing away seems so fake...i dunnoe...i'm going mad..i hear little voices in me..*sigh* so yeah looks like i'm gonna be away for quite some time..take care when i'm away...the next time u see me..i'm probably back in singapore already..anyway..take care..i miss and love u guys..*Muackz*
Eunice @ 8:02:00 AM
+♥♥♥+
=*= what am i doing? =*=
juz came from school..school was extremely boring..i did listened in class..i'm did concentrate but it's just outside class..when i feel so blank..didn't talk much to anyone today including sam and iema who had been by my side the whole day.they asked me what's wrong but i just gave them a "smile" and said nothing..and started saying lame jokes..i noe they're lame cos nobody was laughing..except me? i wasn't really laughing either..i think i was smirking instead of laughing..smirking at myself..i'm an idiot..anyway..was gonna go tisc with stephanie today but it was cancelled cos she decided to go with alan..so i came home after class...i seriously feel so blank..more blank than i have ever been..remember how i used to say..i feel so enclosed in a corner where nobody knows..i feel like the problems are all causing me to hide in isolation? well..this time i actually feel like i
want to hide somewhere..maybe in a cave or a cell..lock myself up..i want to do that to myself..until i become better..but i know i can't, melissa..zhenyi..steph..mingli..everyone..will be so worried about me..i can't let them down..they are the ones who really believe in me..believe that i can get through this..believe that i will be strong. brandon also said that i am a strong girl..he has seen me move mountains and cross rivers,made through so much other stuff and believe this time i won't be defeated..*sigh* i really thank you guys who care so much for me...thank you..i got no idea why i came online just now..forgotten why..forgotten what i wanna do as well..so decided to blog a bit..=\..search for the courses available next year in the universities in melbourne..seems like University of Melbourne got limited courses for me to choose..but Monash University courses are tempting. they have this new course next year "Pharmacy: Medicinal Chemistry"..i might be taking that. or else "Psychology and Management/Marketing" or else i dunno man... i might take "Early Childhood Education" in University of Melbourne since i seem to have a fetish for kids..*duh* anyway..got to go now..mood down..gonna go prepare dinner..=\..bored....*sigh*
Eunice @ 1:47:00 AM
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Wednesday, July 30, 2003
=*= i lost my way in life again... =*=
hello..have been feeling really moody recently..that's cos i feel really lost..i've been doing things i dun wanna do,been saying things i dun wanna say too..i dunnoe man..it's just i dunno what are the reasons i'm doing certain things nowadays..i noe i shouldn't do it..i noe i dun wanna do it..but yet i still do it..i feel so lost about myself now..realised i dun understand myself anymore..there's seem to be two sides of me..and i really do not noe who and what is the real me..what am i?if i dunno myself,i guess there's no use asking anyone else that question..i just hope i could turn back time and stop myself from doing things that i dun wanna do..but it's all too late..no matter how i try to stop..i can't stop those harrassing phonecalls coming in..*sigh* i've been playing with my life..showing some people this side of me and showing some other people another side of me..i feel so confused...can someone lead me back...back to somewhere i belong? why did i wanna start things like that..and then regret now...but it all started back when i was having those problems..which were driving me crazy so i decided to create another me...a 'eunice' that i would never ever wanna be...it's too confusing to explain..and i dun think i wanna explained it..let this be the biggest regret in my 17 years of life,a biggest mistake i have made and it shall be a secret in my mind and head...i've regretted...but it's too late...it will always remain...like a scar or a birthmark..u can never get rid of it no matter how hard u try...that's how i'm feeling now...i noe my friends out there will be worried for me and will be very curious what have i done..but i shall keep it as a secret..sorry guys..but i still love all of you..i really do...*hugs*
i'm feeling so tired..came home at around 12am last night..where did i go? i was on my way home yesterday afternoon when sam called me and asked if i can bring jason to the doctor cos he's in pain...so i dropped my sister home..made something for her to eat and then rushed down..he looks fine..just that his back hurts..went to royal perth hospital..but there were so many people and jason doesn't look like he an emergency patient..so brought him somewhere else..a chinese psysician..den we went for dinner...then jason wanted to play snooker..*duh* i rushed down to bring him to see a doctor..he's fine and now he want to play snooker..couldn't say much so went with them..watched them play when stephanie called me..we agreed to meet up and go for a drive last night but didn't noe i had to bring him to the hospital..anyway,she came down to Pot Black in Northbridge to accompany me..we played about 5 rounds of pool...and then headed home..thanks steph..u r0x...thanks a lot..*muackz*hugz* actually i wanted to stay home yesterday to catch up on the work i haven't done...but i been coming home so late each night..i can't really study anymore cos i'm feeling so exhausted..i really can't go out anymore hey..i'm really broke..i spend $180 in just about two weeks..i really can't afford to spend anymore money on unnecessary stuff..guess i have to reject sam & jason each time they asked me to go out for dinner or lunch..it's just too way expensive...i rather eat 3 meals of instant noodles now..*sigh* i'm broke broke broke...i still need to save some money for petrol as well..$30 for full tank..
i just hope sam and them can understand my situation...it's not just the money part..there's still the studying part..i need to do so many housework and i'm really feeling so tired everyday..it's term 3 and everything is going at such a fast pace..if i fall back too much then it'll be like last year..it was also in term 3 last year that i started to slack off so much..and then fail my TEE...i don't wan history to repeat itself again.. they dun study doesn't mean that i can do that too..i noe studies are my first priority..so i really hope they can understand why i dun wanna go out with them sometimes..the stress is starting to build up on me again..i have to start studying hard now...TEE is less than 4 months away...hafta go out less now...i mean i really enjoy jason and them company but it's just that i dun wanna go through the stage where all my friends have gone up to university and i'm still stuck here repeating year 12..the feeling's not good u noe..it feels like u're so stupid and vulnerable,and sometimes i even looked down on myself despite the 3 A's and 1 C i got during the first semester exams this year..
*Sigh* it's time to log off now...go take a nap and then start studying..i'm so tired..my eyes are half-closed..thanks to all my friends who cared for me and also there for me when i'm feeling down..if i dun tell u my problems..then just let me be..it's time i learn to be independent and try to solve my own problems..i can't rely on my friends forever...i realised when i rely on them too much..it might drive them away..just like how i lost some of my closest friends..i can never talk to them normally anymore..neither do they want me to care or ask them anything as well..*sigh* friends..do they really come and go? anyway,to everyone who cares for me: thanks a lot..i love u guys...
Eunice @ 2:31:00 AM
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Sunday, July 27, 2003
=*= thank you stephanie =*=
Thanks to Stephanie who came over to help me with some stuff on my blog...look! the imood thingy works now!and the stupid red patch at the left hand bottom doesn't exist anymore..u r0x! *smooches steph* haha..well..interesting stuffs happened last night in my channel in irc..david was online so i ask him to join my channel and tok in irc..so he came online and he used the nick "sotong" hmm..and i was using "SoToNgEr"...i was pretty sure the nick "sotong" is registered..anyway asked him why he use that nick and he say he wan to be beside me in the nick list..*duh* den stephanie and wilson started talking to him...but the conversation heated up and turned into a conflict..well not really cos stephanie's point was to ask him stupid questions...stupid questions as wat david asked me last night..he asked me if i'm rich and do i have enough money..i asked him why and he said cos he wanna noe me better..i was like "what has money got to do with knowing me better?" anyway...he came into the channel quarrelled with my friends and then confessed in the main that he loves me etc...really never give me face man...wilson and stephanie both thinks that way too..wilson even thought he's not sincere at all cos he doesn't give a damn about how i feel and then quarrel with my friends..*duh*
sam called me a lot of times today but i didn't answer his calls..i dunno man..i'm just so tired and he keeps asking me to go out..i told him i can't and then he gets angry..then he keeps calling again but i dun wanna answer..think he's kinda mad now..well it's not that i dun wanna go out or call him..but it's just that he tells me about his problems and how he feels and i give him some advice..but he keeps asking me how how how..what can i do man? i did all i can and i accompany u all i can also..i go out with you for tea,for lunch..go to school early to accompany you..but i need some time to myself as well..i've been going out too much recently and i'm heading towards the category "broke"..i need to do some studying as well during the weekdays..i can't go out everyday right?? and nobody at home bothers to even do a bit of housework and i have to do it..my sis is addicted to the internet and mobile phone..brother don't give a damn about housework,dad is working..mum is in singapore..*sigh* i remember that night when i came home at around 130am..i went to change into home clothes,came out of my room and saw the sink full of dirty dishes to wash..i was already so tired..finish the dishes around 2:15am...put the clothes into the washing machine to wash yesterday evening before i go out and ask my dad and sis to help me hang the clothes up..came home and realised nobody did it..*duh* slept at 6am..woke up at around 1130am..why? cos i need to wash more clothes..damn it man..i sound like a potential maid...
anyway..yeah i come home from school i need to cook..den wash the dishes den go out with sam and them to cafe and then come home late at night..if this goes on..i will ruin my studies..i will not have time for studying or homework at all..this need to stop someday..*sigh* but how am i going to reject them? i'm seriously going bankrupt....things in australia is wayyyyyyy too expensive...think this is probably the 5th time u see me say this..
received kevin's sms last night..he met with an accident in Augusta down south..*sigh* his car smashed into this pole..oh my god...he got distracted by something and lost control..luckily no one was seriously injured...but i think he's still in some kind of shock..*pats kevin* the car they drove down south is a rented car so he hafta pay 400+ bucks for insurance...but what matters most is that they are all fine now...thank god..phew..was so shocked...okies..2:30am now..gonna go sleep...niteys
Eunice @ 11:20:00 AM
+♥♥♥+
Saturday, July 26, 2003
=*= More Pics Uploaded =*=
hello peeps,i am now enjoying "eunice's hot chocolate with marshmellows" while blogging..i love it when the marshmellows melts..it r0x..was feeling down in the evening..didn't wanna go out at all..sam and them asked me to go out but i rejected them with some stupid and lame excuse..i am not good at lying..anyway..they insisted on me going out with them or else they will come to my house..haha..of course i wouldn't let them come my house..my room is in a mess..clothes can be found on the floor,behind the door,under the bed and table..blah blah blah..and the list goes on and on..i better tidy up my room before stephanie comes over tomorrow...or else she be so
disgusted at me..as always..*sobs*
anyway..what was i saying? oh yes..about sam and them coming to my house..told them they can't..blahblahblah..they just insist on me going out..sigh..so i asked them to pick me up at 9:30pm..didn't regret going out man..=D my mood instantly got better! we went to a cafe in fremantle..nice! comfortable feeling..took some photos there..iema,sam,jason and me! u can view it in my gallery..i've already uploaded the photos..been uploading so many photos recently..now miss birdie..do u still have anymore complains? oh..maybe about my car's photos..well u see..it's been raining a lot recently and my car is black so it doesn't really look nice cos there are fucking white spots on my car caused by the stupid rain when it dries up...so yeah..can't really let u see my car in this state..it's just too pathetic..lol..i should have got a lighter colour car like yellow! yellow r0x..! *smiles at stephanie's yellow lancer* haaa...nahh..black is cool..and i'm cool too!*pukes* so enjoy the pics yeah? lalala...
i came home and i came online immediately..i need to go change into my home clothes...so see ya guys around..okie..gonna go change now..peeping prohibited...peep and u shall suffer the consequences...blahhh...byeeee
Eunice @ 9:59:00 AM
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Friday, July 25, 2003
=*= Black and White =*=
hmmm...i feel like puking every single time i look at my blog layout..haha..it sucks doesn't it? anyway..doesn't matter..lol..helped iema moved her stuff to her new house last night..nisa was there at her house too..met iema's housemate...connie..she's from malaysia and she's 20 this year..invited her to go cafe with us without realising that we have already 5 people going..it will be illegal to fit another person in..called jason and asked if he can drive but he couldn't..so we ended up squeezing 6 people into my small little cute black car.we were so noisy at the cafe..starting off with me trying to pour some sugar into my tea when the cap of the sugar bottle fell into my cup..the waiter who walked past us saw what happened and was laughing at me as well..then the next minute connie spilled the cup of milk..then nisa drop the sugar packet into her cup of tea..the same waiter walked pass and again saw what happened...this time he was smiling even wider..oh my god..made a fool out of ourselves man...
went to L.A Cue after cafe for some snooker and pool...actually i wanted to play pool but nobody else wanna play with me so too bad...watched jason and sam played snooker...they played two rounds when nisa and i wanted to try snooker out..played tag-team..connie and jason...sam and me..of course we were losing.*duh* jason is so fucking good at it..and i can't seem to aim properly..but i got two balls in! that's pretty good for starters alright..=D..went home around 2+am..oh yeah and i took photos of us at the cafe...will upload them soon if i got the chance to do it..wait for it yeah..didn't took a lot of photos cos my digicam was running out of battery.
okie brother's out..time to upload some pictures..i'll blog later ya?
Eunice @ 11:25:00 PM
+♥♥♥+
=*= Blahhhh =*=
okie now..i do not noe what the fuck have i done to my blog..haha..but i shall keep it this way first..sorry to u guys if u dun like it k? i got no choice..haha...anyway stephanie and i are thinking of purchasing a domain for our blogs..*smiles at stephanie* we came up with stupid names...for example..black sunflowers suggested by our miss stephanie and i think i suggested something stupid as well..anyway we're both stupid and crazy ass..lolz..anyone noe of any reliable host??
skipped both my lessons today...bored..can't be bothered...woke up late on purpose so that i can skipped my first lesson in the morning..went to school around 12pm and decided to skip the 1:15pm lecture..so sam,iema and i went to iema's house to help her pack her stuff..she's moving out today..why?cos poor her being bullied by her housemates..*assholes* some of her stuff are still in my car..gotta bring it to her later..after that..i'm going fishing with them..not like i'm gonna fish..i think i'm juz gonna sit there and watch them fish..*winks*
went han's cafe for lunch today at carousel.had vietnamese noodles? i dunno what they called it i can't remember..it was sooo damn sweet..oh my god..i think i'm diabetic now..anyway..i saw tanni jie there...she didn't see me..i was eating when i turned around and find this person super duper familiar...then i thought it might be tanni..but she was walking away so i can't get a better look of the person..sms-ed her and it was really her..she's back in perth! welcome back jie! i try to make time and meet u this saturday ok? meanwhile u take care..wear more..the weather is getting colder and colder...
this last paragraph of today's blog is for my dearest kaimin..*winks* i treat her like my own little sister..i cared a lot for her of cos..we always share our own problems and feelings with each other...she turns to me when she need helps..and i would then try to give some useful advice..she came online just now to tell me she's blissfully attached to this guy..congrats my girl *hugs*muacks* gotta treasure him alright? =) and if he ever bully or abuse you..tell me and i'll snap his neck..haha..ok..too violent..=P..take care guys...
Eunice @ 1:34:00 AM
+♥♥♥+
Thursday, July 24, 2003
oh my god i dunno what have i done to my blog...juz bear with this for awhile ok? i have been fiddling with the template..it's now 3am..and i need sleep...muacks
Eunice @ 12:04:00 PM
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Tuesday, July 22, 2003
=*= zZzZzZzZzZz =*=
juz came home from school...oh my god..it's so fucking boring..haha..sorry about my language..anyway..viewed my TEE exam schedule yesterday..and guess what!! i'm finishing exams on the 11th November!! haha...if air tickets are cheaper between 11th and 22nd of november..den i might bring forward my trip to singapore..cos 22nd November is considered the shoulder season..and after that person is call the peak season..so my mum was like saying if between the 11th and 22nd is the low season den she ask me to go back earlier..dun waste money! good news!! cool! will update more on that...*prays hard*
hmm..results are out on studentnet already...but i get access to my report..maybe cos i haven't return the library book yet..it's been overdued for about 3 weeks already..can't be bothered man..keep forgetting as well...was talking to melcolm yesterday and found out that he met with an accident on sunday..the doctor said he was lucky he survived..he could have died..ok what happen was...he was on his bike..and he was going at about 100km/h,he was "playing" corner..which means that he wanted to turn at the corners..he turned and didn't realise there was this van there...he avoided the van but flew off the bike and landed on his chest on the metal railing...had internal bleeding..luckily he's alright now..just that his chest really hurts..he can't cough can't sneeze..poor boy...hope he gets well soon..*sigh* bikes are dangerous man...actually speeding is dangerous..but i love the fast speed...it rocks! anyway..uploaded some pics..u can view it
here those are pics we took on ariel's birthday..check out how we tied her up..haaa...and some random pictures which i've taken...the fountain looks quite cool actually..no pics of me..maybe only one..will try to find more pics to upload..cos my miss bird jie has been complaining that she hasn't seen my pic for so long..blahblahblah..noisy bird..
brother and his gf should have arrived at the airport already..yeah they're coming home today..mum's leaving tomorrow to singapore...feel like having steamboat tonight...the weather is so cold...gonna suggest it to mum later...was gonna go somewhere with sam and jason just now but decided not to cos they're going with another friend whom i dunno..so i better not go...yes yes i'm shy not anti-social!! haha.i was driving that day when something happened..i was at this junction and was behind this car...we were turning out into leach highway when suddenly his car turned 90 degrees and smashed into the fence..my god..i was so shocked ok..i was so near his car!! if his car turn 180 degrees and came my way..i would be gone by now...it's then when i realised that life's so short...oh my god..the driver should be okay now...i saw him came out of his car..i think he probably lost control...hope he's alright...okie i juz came home from school..i'm hungry...gotta go cook something to eat..see ya
Eunice @ 11:11:00 PM
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Monday, July 21, 2003
=*= Hello School =*=
back to school today...tiring...i juz hasn't switch back to school mode yet...too used to sleeping long hours..anyway..got back my results today...disappointing..but it's alright..here it is:
Economics - B
Applicable Maths - A
Chemistry - A
Calculus - C
overall i shud be getting 3 A's and 1 'C',the 3A's and 1B i was aiming for turned out to be 3A's and 1C...more effort and work to be done this semester...and then i be joining melisa in melbourne next year...*wheeeee* anyway...school's boring..bored bored bored..i'm so damn tired...wanted to go for bubbletea juz now but it was packed so decided to go to oriels in subiaco..had hot chocolate..it's nice..but the heater was too strong man..half my face was like burning hot and the other half is like cold?...anyway saw ariel's so called korkor,justin there..he couldn't recognise me i guess..anyway didn't said hi to him..and neither did he..saw diana and kenny there too..still looking so close and sweet..ohh..i saw kean this afternoon at coles too...hmm..i keep bumping into old frenz recently..kewl..they still remember me..*smiles* passed by wellington street juz now..instantly i thought of melisa..how we first met at caltex..and how she spend so much time telling me how to get to her house till she nearly vomitted blood..haha..and how we used to walk to the city from her house..oh melissa..i miss u~~hahaha...can't wait till i get back to singapore..can get to meet all my wonderful frenz again!! seems like i got plans for chalets and clubbing already..zhenyi..zouk eh? mambo mambo? haaa...and chalet..dunno if we gonna have two separate chalets...one at sentosa and one in pasir ris...dunno..meiyun and bird will tell me soon right? =D...can't wait...exactly 4 more months..ohhh i'm counting down..lolz...matthew matthew...he still looks the same..except that i think he didn't comb or gel his hair today...but he still looks as cute and good-looking as ever...had eye-contact with him...*faints* haha..i'm going mad..oh well..i need sleep...goodnight peeps..take care...
Eunice @ 10:31:00 AM
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Sunday, July 20, 2003
=*= Welcome Back Sam & Jason & Iema, Goodbye Melissa =*=
well..lotsa things happened since the last time i blogged..bad things good things blah blah blah...melissa is back in singapore..poor girl..was crying when she called me up at the airport..can't bear to leave everyone here..especially her boyfriend..*hugs* melissa..stay happy la..i noe and u noe that u juz have to get used to the parting and uniting and parting again when u're having a long distance relationship..i noe it's torturing and the feeling sucks but u noe..hafta be strong yeah? *hugs* i really enjoyed the times when we went out..searching for the little skyline model..carousel blah blah blah..etc..looking forward to seeing u when i go back end of the year..yeap guys!! i'm going to singapore on the 22nd November!! look out singapore...here i comeee!!
went to the airport last night to pick sam up..saw irvin at the airport..i was smoking outside when i saw him inside..decided to approach him..but i dun think he could recognise me...i was looking at him and he looked back but had no reaction..den i ask him "weii...cannot remember me already ah?" den he juz said "eh...eh.." guess he can't remember my name..haaaa...he went to pick ronald up..anyway den i went to cafe for coffee with sam till like 2:30am..saw debbie,charles and victor on our way in..we sat separately though..after that came home...slept at about 4am..went to the airport again today to pick jason and iema up..their flight was delayed for an hour..sam and i was walking around the airport..bored..well..as long as they arrived safely..that's alright then..again went to the cafe after picking them up..wanted to go to sizzler for dinner but the queue was so damn long..so we decided to go to this italian restaurant in Mill Point..hmm..the food's not bad but the serving is hell big man..we each ordered a bowl of soup..we all thought it will come in a small bowl..but it was huge man! was so full after that..so we all went for a walk..den after that went to sam's house to drink...knowing that i have to drive home..i didnt' drink much..but i have been smoking excessively recently..*sigh*
things have changed between me and buddy and also some other frenz..i dunnoe man...was i too engrossed in my own sadness in the past? are they all irritated with me now? i noe i was sinking into depression in the past..i couldn't take in anyone's advice either..i felt like nobody really noe how i feel inside...i was too much into my own sadness that i didn't go and ask the people around me how they are..if they themselves had any problems they wanna share?..i wanted care,concern etc..i guess i was too self-centred..now that i noe it's wrong i stop being that way already...so i go around to talk to my friends and ask them if they are okie and all that..i thought it will turn out well...but i was wrong...is it too late? why is it that now that i try to put in an effort to tok to them they are so cold towards me..take for example buddy...he's been extremely cold towards me..he didn't seem this way last time..i dunno what did i do wrong..he just turn so cold...and ignorant..he can talk to anyone properly,nicely and can even joke with them..but when talking to me...he seem so irritated..i was just trying to show that i care...usually when i tell him about my stuff he would be interested but now he juz either type "zzzz" or "yawns" and then never say anything else anymore..that day i told him i am going back end of the year...he didn't had any reaction..but juz said "oic..welcome...zzzz" den i asked him why is he being so cold to me he juz typed "yawns." *sigh* i really dunnoe man...now whenever he's online i dun even dare to approach him and talk to him anymore...i am sad of cos..he's like a guardian angel to me...feeling a bit empty sometimes when i can't talk to him much anymore...i juz hope i can noe did i do anything wrong to irritate him or not...but he will juz "zzzzz" i guess..i really treasure the friendship between me and him...does he?
went shopping the other day with mum and sis..warehouse sale!! *screams* bought two pair of dangling earrings..they rocks!! and remember the denim jacket i mentioned a few weeks ago? yes yes!! i bought it at half-priced that day!! cool! and and i bought a bag as well!! great shopping !! i enjoyed it..i juz love the word "SALE" school resuming tomorrow..getting all my exam results back..i dun wan it back man..i just got no idea how will i go in this exam..will i eventually get my 3 'As' and 1 'B' this semester? *sigh* back to school...it sucks..no more sleeping till the afternoon...no more irc-ing everynight till 4am...oh well..i guess i gotto go now...sleeping time..*muackx* see ya guys...
Eunice @ 10:04:00 AM
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Monday, July 14, 2003
=*= Treasure Your Life, Love Yourself More =*=
check
this out.. read the entries on 29th June 2003 and 5th July 2003.it's a blog of a girl who lost her friend unknowingly, no it's not normal friendship break-up or anything but her friend has committed suicide and passed on to the other side.it's really sad how she keep calling his mobile hoping he would pick up or call back but it's impossible,how she lives in self-denial and how she didn't treasure him enough when he's still around.i guess it's human nature,people take one another's existence for granted,never expecting if tomorrow never comes.i used to be a person like the girl,thought of suicide a couple of times but is always talked out of it by close friends or persuaded by my optimism.i guess i didn't know how to treasure myself during those times.no matter what advice my friends give,i would ignore or just treat it as nothing.i was stubborn.whatever it is that makes me sad..i would be so sad and then cry and then thought of suicide, i wanted things to turn out the other way..never really go and think that some things are just not meant to be the way we want it to be.
i don't know why i actually teared when i read those entries..it might be cos of the background music,or maybe cos i got a friend who doesn't know how to treasure his life.before i read the blog..i was talking to this friend of mine..his condition is worsening again..and he doesn't wanna continue his medication and etc..i dunnoe why..maybe cos he's tired of the medicine or maybe cos of his lovelife.he stopped eating his medicine quite some time ago.i dunno why is he doing all these to hurt himself.he went for a holiday and got hospitalised over there,he decided to forget this girl once and for all at this wishing well thingy.came back here and didn't wanna talk much to anyone anymore..he's isolating himself into a world of darkness. he's keeping all the sadness to himself..and i noe it's hurting him so much deep inside.i feel so helpless i wanna help him but i dunno how to..i left him an offline message about that webby above,and told him to read it and think about it.ask himself is it worth it hurting himself lidat,is it worth isolating himself? in the blog it describes how death can affect the living.. after reading it,i dunno why do i suddenly have this strong objection against suicide.i guess it's cos i don't wan my peeps to cry so badly if anything happens to me.that girl decided to be strong in the end, but not all people can be as strong as her.some people might not be able to overcome the sadness for the rest of their lives..i'm like that.i won't be able to handle anything if one of my close friends commit suicide or die,i won't be able to in my whole life.i will live in guilt.yes i am pessimistic and i'm sure some of my friends would not be able to as well.i guess no matter what u do, u really have to think how much it will affect the people around you.you can't be so self-centred. as for my friend,i hope he will stop hurting himself..cos it's hurting the people who cares for him more. he's very stubborn as well but i really really pray that he will listen and start taking good care of himself.i juz hope he will learn to treasure his life and love himself more...
=*= Song Playing: Fan Yi Chen - Wang Le Ai =*=
Eunice @ 12:04:00 PM
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Saturday, July 12, 2003
=*= Mood Swinging Up and Down =*=
Hiyee! decided to update my blog more often now..due to our miss mingli who complained that i'm too lazy to update my blog.hee! okok fine fine..=P went to the hospital to visit mum yesterday night again..=) she recovering fast..after the injection she felt much better and she can walk around now..speedy recovery.*winks* i still dunno when will she be discharged from hospital..but probably in the next few days? hope so.
Suey called me up yesterday to ask if i wanna join them at debbie's house for videos night.i rejected the offer..cos i had to go to the hospital..and partly i didn't feel like going as well..instead i went cafe with siew teng cos she's leaving today..think she's probably up in the sky now.*fly fly fly* oh oh something happened at the cafe.*smiles* we walked in and sat at this table for awhile den this waiter came and took our orders..i looked up and saw his finger bleeding..so i said to him "woah u're bleeding" and he looked at his finger,he didn't even realised it..then i took a piece of tissue paper and gave it to him..and he smiled at me..haha.den after a while when we were drinking out coffee and tea,he came over and asked if we need anything else and he kept smiling at me..siew teng noticed it as well..haha..what the hell..but then seriously i think that guy has potential of being a guy stripetease or a pole-dancer..nonono..i wasn't looking at his butt or anything.he wear such tight clothes and his body is actually quite good.i told siew teng and i didn't expect she had the same thoughts as well. haha.
was talking to choon wei last night for quite long..it's been some time since we last talked for so long..*hugs* good frenz good frenz.well,my mood was actually quite good yesterday until the words "i dun need u..." hurt my feelings.used to be friends..and u noe i truly madly deeply care so much for you..always asking if u have eaten,asking if u had enough sleep,asking if u're tired..blah blah blah etc..but u suddenly became so harsh towards me..those 4 words had hurt my feelings deeply..i didn't noe i'm really nothing to you..even not as a friend.i juz wanted to offer a listening ear..to share your sadness with you so u won't feel so lonely,maybe saying out would make u feel better..but instead u said "i dun need you.." what's that supposed to mean?fine then..i'm irritating to you..u dun need me...i guess if that makes u happier..den i won't bother u again..*sigh* but i told u before..even though i'm the last person u would find on whole list...u can always find me there..right at the bottom of the list..and i also told u before..i will always have time for you...if u still ever need someone..i'm here alright? remember that...
found a long lost friend..lose another friend..i dunno..this person and i have known each other for so long..years and years i would say...used to be so close to her...best friends..we were like sisters..but things seem to have changed this year..we're drifting apart..what's even sadder is that she doesn't feel the distance..i dunno why..i'm not the only one saying that she's has drifted away from me..from another friend's point of view..she saw the way we talked as well..it's just not normal anymore...both she and i has tried to salvage this friendship with this person..but it's just no use..i just hope i can be as close to her as how we used to be..i miss those times..and i certainly miss her old self..but i guess it's friendship in life..people change,things change,they either stay with you and walk with u down the same pathway,or move out into other groups and walk another way..everyone got their own path of life to walk..some just end up taking the same path and some just decide to go the other...no use brooding over it too much..life goes on..
as for another someone..i guess if u read this u would noe who are u..u lied to me..i was sad actually..i was worried for u at that time..i tot u really got leukemia or whatever...u can't go on being like this..yes u wan attention..everyone wants attention but u're doing it the wrong way..sickness and all that is not something to play with..u wan attention i can give it to you..anyone else can..but dun use this kind of ways to attract attention? we used to be good friends as well..and we shared everything between us..u were there for me when i was down and i was there for u when u were down too..i treasured our friendship..i still treat u as a friend..but u noe..i just hope u would learn to be a better person...and stop doing things the wrong way..this is not lecturing u or anything..but just telling you nicely..u can choose to listen or not..it doesn't matter..it's juz a piece of advice...
well guys..today's blog is a bit long hey..hehe! anyway..i better sign off now..got some household chores to do..mopping,vacuuming,wash dishes,fold the clothes..stupid younger sister doesn't wanna help out..she is an internet addict at an age of 13.*sigh* look what the internet has done to kids nowadays? but it's cool..i love the internet! see ya guys now *muack*
=*= Song Playing: All 4 One - Smile Like Mona Lisa =*=
Eunice @ 11:21:00 PM
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Friday, July 11, 2003
=*= Never Been Happier =*=
i'm currently talking to a long lost friend on icq..guess who!?!? leon!!! lols..it's been like 100 million years since i last talked to him..well maybe not that many..just about more den a year and a half already? i was on msn and irc..when i realised i didn't check who was online on my icq..opened it up..and saw his nick! immediately i msg him "leon?"..and it's him!! and he still remembers me and called me "nu er! " haha..geez! i miss those days when i'm in high school...and in the school band..i remember at that age.."god-father,god-mother,god-brother,god-sister" was like still in trend...he was my "daddy" lol..and when he called me "nu er" just now..it really brings back memories..it always feels so good when friends still remember you after losing contact for so many years..and even better when he/she still share his problems and feelings with you..=) leon started telling me about his problems,so i lend him a listening ear...like how i used to...*sigh* memories..how i hope i can go back to those times..it was one of the best times in my life alright,we have all grown older...can only look back and laugh at ourselves,how we were once so childish and crazy..
went out with melissa a few times during the last week..she's a crazy girl too man..i mean..not crazy but fun-to-be-with? i just can't stopped laughing when i'm with her..she said i'm cartoon but never realised she's like more cartoon than me..jellyfish,giraffe..anything man! i find that i could click with her instantly...we talked,gossiped,laughed a lot..and we have only known each other since march this year..and also only met each other in person last thursday..thanks melissa! *Hugs* sam called me up from malaysia last night..cool..he asked how i was and all that...and then asked if i can pick him up from the airport next saturday..19th July when he comes back from malaysia..i told him no problem and then he asked if i can pick jason up as well the next day..*duh* of cos i didn't reject..both are my good friends!.looks like i'm going to visit the airport several times next week..melissa is also going back on the 19th..probably gonna send her off? we'll see how it goes..
mum went for her operation this afternoon..went to visit her at the hospital in the everning.bought flowers and asked my sis to bring her gameboy there as well in case my mum wants to play it.yes..my mum plays games..usually games that involves puzzles? like bobble puzzle,puzzle fighter,tetris,diamond mine..etc etc..she likes bomberman too..but looking at her lying on the bed..dun think she will be using the gameboy much..she threw up everything she ate today..hmm..dunno why..anyway..gonna go visit her tomorrow again..till then..take care peeps
well..received a piece of good news today but i shall keep my mouth shut..*zips* it's time for u guys to find out and for me to know..*whistles*
=*= Song Playing: Christian Wunderlich - So In Love =*=
Eunice @ 10:55:00 AM
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Thursday, July 03, 2003
=*= Excited =*=
meeting melissa tomorrow!!! finally get to meet her..can't wait..so tomorrow's plan is i go to school at 11am to pick jason and sam up and then head down to the city and meet melissa at caltex at around 11:30am..then after that send sam home and then head to carousel to do some shopping!! yes yes and yes!! shopping !! yeah!!! gonna do some warm up exercise so my legs won't get so sore for tomorrow's shopping spree..heehee!! carousel is so damn big..but i love it!! gonna go get a bag maybe or new clothes or i dunnoe! melissa's getting a car for her boyfriend..hmm..not a car..a car model..heehee..anyway..dunno if i'm going to go dinner with her and her boyfriend tomorrow..kinda weird..hehe! but that's not important...decide about that tomorrow..
went to sam's house this afternoon..he cooked lunch for us..had ma po tofu cooked by sam and stir fry beef cooked by jason..nice meal..3 person sharing 5 dishes..was so full..hehe..they're going back tomorrow after..will only get to see them in about 2 weeks time..=D gonna miss them so much..no more cigarette supplier (sam)..huRz...hafta buy my own one then..oh well..my mobile phone's alarm juz rang..12:00am now..bennie's birthday..should i send him a sms? ok sent!! i better get some sleep now..so i be ready to meet them tomorrow!! byee!!
Eunice @ 9:10:00 AM
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Wednesday, July 02, 2003
=*= Freedom =*=
Hello!! I'm free!! no more exams!! finally..i have been waiting for this day..calculus exam turn out alright today..should be able to pass..so that's it..my holidays start today!!! didn't get to see matthew today..awww..won't get to see him until the day when school resumes which is like in about 2 weeks time? *sigh* matthew matthew..matthew...lols..i'm getting a little love-sick..nahh..it's juz that..i feel so happy when i see him smile or laugh.it's so cute..ok..stop it eunice..*slaps herself*
stephanie arrived in singapore this morning..she came over last night to return me the vcds she borrowed..but i forgot to ask her to bring along her microsoft frontpage book..awwww..won't be able to do a new layout for my new blog then..but i will try...it's sam's birthday today..still dunno what to buy for him..kinda confused..going over to his house later..guess im gonna do some shopping first before heading to his house..but what am i going to buy!! oh my god..bennie's birthday is tomorrow..4th July..i bought a birthday card for him..i've already written in it..and written the address on the envelope..but i still dunno if i should send it or not...i dun have to courage to do so...=(
sending iema to the airport on saturday afternoon...she's going back to malaysia..sam and jason will be going back to malaysia tomorrow as well..stephanie and aileen are back in singapore too..*sigh* then it will be my brother and his girlfriend going back on either saturday or monday...everyone's going back..how come i dun get a chance...my holidays are gonna be soooo boring without sam and jason,and there's no plans for any outing to chorus for karaoke or anything..no plans for any outings from the girls either..i'm juz dying of boredom..was gonna meet melissa tomorrow in the city but suddenly realised i can't make it cos i'm going over to sam's house..so decided to probably meet her on friday..either to the zoo or to carousel shopping centre.hehe..i haven't been to the zoo here,and neither has her bf..so if we're going to the zoo..then her bf will be coming along..if we're juz going shopping then it's juz the two of us...it's gonna rain on friday so i guess outing to the zoo would probably be postponed to another day.
when i came home juz now,my brother suddenly ask me which friend of mine has a boyfriend named cedric..to my surprise..melissa's boyfriend knows my brother as well...perth is so much larger than singapore..but it seems like perth is so damn small...=)..melissa is gonna be in melbourne next year.cool! i had been planning to go to the university in melbourne but mum don't allow cos i noe no one there..now that melissa is looking for a housemate..i will be able to go then!! emailed various universities juz now to ask if i can use IELTS test results as english competence in the university english requirements.that's my last hope.if i will be able to use it..den i be on my way to studying really really hard to get into the University of Melbourne..my hope!! my dream!! alritey i better go to sleep now...see ya.
Eunice @ 12:44:00 PM
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Tuesday, July 01, 2003
=*= I HaTe It =*=
on monday night..i was studying for my economics exam...when suddenly i heard my dad raising his voice..went to check it out..and realised he was talking to my brother...i asked where's mum? he told me she went out herself...drive fast fast go out...i was like what the fuck??..i went to call her..and she said she go out..i asked to come home..she doesn't want to..i was getting so worried..called her again like 1/2 hour later and her mobile was switched off..*sigh* my dad said to me "think i really go back singapore better..forget about all of you..go get a lawyer.." i was stunned..i didn't know what else to say...i made my cup of tea and then went into my room and burst out crying..i didn't have the mood to study on anymore..i cried till my eyes were so painful and then fell asleep..i had been having weird and scary dreams recently..last monday i dreamt that my sis was killed..the next night i dreamt my brother died..this week..on monday night i dreamt that my mum died...i was so afraid to sleep the next night..i was scared that i will dream that my dad will die..why is everyone dying in my dreams? is it a sign that my family is breaking up?? i'm so confused...i'm feeling so stressful..with the dreams,exams,my brother's anger,my parents..oh my god!! i can kill myself right now...but i'm glad i was finally able to cry that night...i felt like crying since a while ago but the tears juz wouldn't come out...*sigh* i know i hafta be strong but how??...someone tell me how....
went to the economics exam yesterday without even studying much...in the end..wrote down blah blah and blah for the answers..i dunno what i was writing..i was writing rubbish i guess...dunno if i will pass...*sigh* having my last exam today..calculus..my weakest subject..didn't do much studying again...cos i was at sam's house tutoring sam and iema for discrete mathematics...came home studied for a while..and then went to sleep..woke up early this morning to study..i guess i be alright...spoke to matthew yesterday again..finally..i thought he didn't wanna talk to me anymore..cos he had been ignoring me..anyway...he came to school..and lit a cigarette and walk towards my direction..so i asked him if he was ready for the exam..and he said he did..and then ask me if i was..i said i didn't study..he was kinda shocked to hear me say that i didn't study..and then when we were waiting to go into the hall...i asked him if he only got 2 exams..and he said ya and ask me how did i noe..oh my god..i can't exactly tell him that i have been noticing him or stalking him right..so i think i made up some stupid lame excuse? it was so embarrassing..but it's cool..matthew...=)...
anyway..i better get back to studying now..freedom awaits..in a few hours time i be freee..can't wait to be free...gonna meet melisa soon...called me yesterday cos she was at garden city which is hell near my house but i wasn't home..so i guess i have to drive up to city to meet her...but i can't figure out where she staying...hallelujah...
=*= Song Playing: Evonne Hsu - Hu Ran Heng Xiang Ni =*=
Eunice @ 8:06:00 PM
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