Tuesday, June 29, 2004
i've moved to http://no-forever.blogspot.com . i need a brand new start!
Eunice @ 8:24:00 AM
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Sunday, June 27, 2004
i screwed up my blog!!
Eunice @ 9:53:00 PM
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Tuesday, June 22, 2004
hi...i'm bored..internet's down again..so decided to write this post in notepad first and then paste it in blogger later..last week hasn't been spent well..thinking a lot and a lot..which doesn't make me feel any better..i went to school last wednesday...thinking to enrol for semester 2 july intake..but the application for enrolment is over.i am 2 weeks late,which means i can't study under HECS. if i insist on studying in july, i have to pay the international student rate which is like $1500 per unit. AND i will be put under extension studies which doesn't confirm a place for me in the Bachelor of Commerce. another way is to wait another half a year to enrol for next year intake which i stand a chance of having a place in the course if i enrol earlier. *sigh* i didn't know i can apply for enrolment while withdrawing from the other course. i was waiting for the approval which came 2 weeks ago. and coincidentally, the deadline was 2 weeks ago. is this meant to be? had a teeny weeny tiff with steph too and she asked me to go the student advisor to ask if they can help me out. so i went today,response was negative. as expected. the person i actually talked to last week is a student advisor which reconfirms that i can't enrol till next year.i always tell myself that everything happens for a reason..but so many things happen, i dun wanna lie to myself and stay positive anymore.i'm really disappointed till the extend that i dun even care anymore.=\ i really wanna go to school and study hard,but i can't. when i see the girls studying hard for exams, i hope i can study with them..but i can't....when i heard that they are going down south this holidays..i hope i can go with them too..but i can't..cos i got no money.when they ask me to join them for lunch,i can't cos i got no money and i dun think i should spend the money on having lunch outside either.i'm feeling so left out cos my situation doesn't allow me to fit in with them. it may seem like i'm playing gunbound everyday,spending my time away day by day doing nothing. but i dun wanna stay at home everyday..i dun like it at all..i'm not happy at all living such life now.it makes me feel so useless.everyday is so meaningless.i know i can go and work...let me feel better first..i dun even have the mood to do anything now.
i just feel like slapping myself hard across the face,feel like locking myself up and hide away from everyone. i really feel like i got no face to meet anyone up. thinking that my friends are finishing university end of next year..and i will still be a year one student makes me feel even worst.no wonder i get look down..no wonder i was called a failure and loser. i'm really not happy at all..but nobody understands how i feel. it's like disappointment after disappointment. i tried to pick myself up but i fall again and again, feeling more pain than before. my sister's friend who knows i play gunbound everyday,messaged me on gunbound that night,hinting to me that i play too much gunbound, i'm an adult and i'm wasting my time away like that. he told me he's 17 and he's schooling and yet i dropped out of uni. it just makes me feel worst.even a person who doesn't even know me well can come up to me and say such things. how would u feel if u were in my shoes? i really really hate this. seriously, if i didn't fall sick..all these things wouldn't be happening to me and i wouldn't be feeling this way now. i've been crying too much. i really hate myself. i've lost all the strength that made me strong in the past. i dun wanna try anymore...i've let my friends down...i'm sorry...really sorry...you guys would be better off not caring for me...just let me be alone, i dun need any comfort or lectures...=\...till then...take care my friends..don't blame me if i don't pick up your calls or reply ur messages...i hope u understand...everything just decided to turn upside down on me.
Eunice @ 9:58:00 AM
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Sunday, June 13, 2004
having..not bad but tasted bland cos she forgot to put salt..(^-^)..mum and i are back to normal...i explained to my sis yesterday why i want her to wash the dishes before mummy comes back and why i want her to do whatever mummy wants her to do as soon as possible...glad she understands now,so sis and i are back to normal too. bro and i? blah..dun care..=( weird..his temper is getting so bad..so feisty..ask him a question and he looks as if he wanna kill u..or so god damn irritated at you..i give up man! no matter how many times i try to treat him nice..he still gives me that look. (._.)". i cook for him..vacuum his room..ask if he's hungry etc etc..all my effort is to try to make us closer again since the fight we had..but i did my best..since he doesn't appreciate it..then who gives a damn? he will regret one day..if i die....=X will he? maybe not..=( blah..
spoke to dennis yesterday..*waves to dennis* \(^.^)/ seems like he's most probably coming to perth for a holiday in july! got to help him find accomodation as soon as possible..if not, he can sleep on the roadsides and get rape by the homosexuals wandering around the streets at night....=DDD dennis u won't mind right? try something new eh? lolz..=PpPpP..dun worry..i'll try my best to find a place for u to stay soon! fast fast chop chop!! i won't leave my friend in the hands of homos. how about bi-s? =X okok..so yeah..planning to go to school tomorrow for enrolment..=) decided to stay in curtin to complete my studies. no more UWA for me..=D curtin is the place..course? erm..most probably tourism management or management. dum di dum..oh man..looks like the connection's not gonna come back to my computer..*pouts* i'm bored i'm bored i'm bored bored bored. i cooked a new dish today for dinner..=X mixing my own ingredients and make my own recipe..lol..hey! turn out not bad okay!! we finished it..=DDD and i luRveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee spring rolls! Yummm!! yeah!! connection's back! byebye!
Eunice @ 10:49:00 AM
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grr..my internet connection is not working again..v(._.)==O *punch* telstra. my computer's connected to my brother's,so if the internet connection is down..it's usually both computers can't connect to the internet..but todae..weird...only my computer's not working..grr! have been sitting in front of the computer for ages,hoping that the connection will suddenly appear! *ta da!* but i'm running out of patience..=( if the connection's not back by the time i finish this post..den i'm off to bed..=( so earlyyy!! i'm so reluctant..=( 12:36am...i wanna play gunbound..=DDD! my rank is up today, finally after 10 years..=X..
so what did i do today? hmm...woke up and had my brunch with my sister..she cooked egg with prawns for the porridge we were both having..not bad but tasted bland cos she forgot to put salt..(^-^)..mum and i are back to normal...i explained to my sis yesterday why i want her to wash the dishes before mummy comes back and why i want her to do whatever mummy wants her to do as soon as possible...glad she understands now,so sis and i are back to normal too. bro and i? blah..dun care..=( weird..his temper is getting so bad..so feisty..ask him a question and he looks as if he wanna kill u..or so god damn irritated at you..i give up man! no matter how many times i try to treat him nice..he still gives me that look. (._.)". i cook for him..vacuum his room..ask if he's hungry etc etc..all my effort is to try to make us closer again since the fight we had..but i did my best..since he doesn't appreciate it..then who gives a damn? he will regret one day..if i die....=X will he? maybe not..=( blah..
spoke to dennis yesterday..*waves to dennis* \(^.^)/ seems like he's most probably coming to perth for a holiday in july! got to help him find accomodation as soon as possible..if not, he can sleep on the roadsides and get rape by the homosexuals wandering around the streets at night....=DDD dennis u won't mind right? try something new eh? lolz..=PpPpP..dun worry..i'll try my best to find a place for u to stay soon! fast fast chop chop!! i won't leave my friend in the hands of homos. how about bi-s? =X okok..so yeah..planning to go to school tomorrow for enrolment..=) decided to stay in curtin to complete my studies. no more UWA for me..=D curtin is the place..course? erm..most probably tourism management or management. dum di dum..oh man..looks like the connection's not gonna come back to my computer..*pouts* i'm bored i'm bored i'm bored bored bored. i cooked a new dish today for dinner..=X mixing my own ingredients and make my own recipe..lol..hey! turn out not bad okay!! we finished it..=DDD and i luRveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee spring rolls! Yummm!! yeahhhh!! connection's back! got to go!! byebye!!!
Eunice @ 10:47:00 AM
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Friday, June 11, 2004
supposed to be posted yesterday:
it'z 5:20am..juz came home from curtin uni...nope i didn't go there to study..but to watch the girls study..and then thanks to ivy's boyfriend,leo who brought me out of my boredom to the CBS lab to play gunbound with steven,his bro & friend. at first it was fun, till jerry and them started joining and then made them lost quite a lot of rounds..they were sort of pissed at me i guess...from the silence in the car when he drove us back. erps..i'm sorry..kinda guilty actually..it's like he was being nice to bring me to the lab to play but i just kept making them lose..=( god..gotta apologise to them eh..
i went out for a breather.i had a tiff with my mum and fucking stupid and useless eunice made her beloved mum cry. what happened? recently,i'm stressed..everyone knows that..after my break up and stuff..and since i stopped school and stayed at home.everyday,my mum comes home..the first person she nags at is me..scold also me..as if i dun do anything at home..i wash the dishes,i cook for them,i clean up. and yet no one appreciates what i do. instead i'm being yelled and scolded when my brother and sister don't do anything. yesterday and the day before, my sis decided to be lazy and not wash the blardee dishes..in the end i have to wash. by the way, it's her job. so whenever my mum's not around, she would just play on the computer..and then when i ask her to wash. she would juz come up with some stupid excuses or else juz ignore me. when my mum comes home, she goes to her room and say she wanna sleep..leaving the dishes not washed. of cos i dun wan my mum to yell anymore cos she's under stress too, so i washed..once, twice i can tolerate my sis. but todae i was angry.when my mum came home, my sis again went to her room. so i went down to wash the dishes. i was pissed..so i juz grumbled..and my mum started yelling at me saying why am i venting my anger on her? WTF!?!?! i did not alright! fark it..here again, i'm being yelled at for nothing. i was pissed....way pissed..so i said "i didn't even vent my anger! it's her job u know it too! she's not doing it and u shout at me for wad? whatever la..i think i juz not talk.." she walked off pissed..and then went to the living room and cried..i dunno is it my fault or not? what the hell have i done? why is it that when i contribute more to the family than my bro and sis, i get yelled at instead? why is it me? why don't they sit and think what have i done in the family and appreciate what i do everyday? my sis and bro blames me this time for making my mum cry..went to knock on my sister's door to borrow money...she gave me a get-the-fuck-out-of-here look. fine..den i went to my bro. since that fight i had with him, i've been trying to tok to him,be nice to him..and yet he still gives the blardee attitude..i went to him to borrow money and he gave the same look as my sis to me? OH MY FUCKING GOD! what the fuck have i done man! why is everyone blaming me!?!? why is my life so fucked up!? why doesn't anyone think for me and put themselves in my shoe!! i should just die..i don't even fucking need this life of mine anymore..i onli know how to fuck it up and up and up and up and UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm just a fucked up daughter,friend,sister and girlfriend. i just dunno what to do anymore...i really dunno what have i done....why is my life so complicated? i juz wan a simple life......why.....=~~~~~
Eunice @ 1:54:00 PM
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Saturday, June 05, 2004
hello! guess what i found last night.? he joined my channel and then parted again! grr it's getting on my nerves...that is so not necessary! why not u just take my channel off ur auto-join list? it saves some energy to click on the [X] button to part my channel..and save some of my energy being pissed. grr...farking lame. anyway, i realised that i'm not really sad anymore, getting over him is actually not that hard a task, especially now that he's in a hurry to get rid of me and avoid me. so why would i be bothered with someone like that? since he wants to forget me and want nothing to do with me, then what else am i waiting and asking for? he moves on pretty fast eh? so i should too! *winkz* i told my mum we broke up..
me: (while helping her get the crab meat out of the crabs) "bryan and i no more already."
mum: "izzit? how come? he dun wanna wait for u,u dun wanna wait for him izzit?"
me: "no la. keep quarrelling then very sianz..so break loh."
mum: "nevermind la,anyway,one here one there very hard also.u scared u cannot find another guy ah? u in university now lei, can find better guys. find one here in australia la,why find one in another country.u look cute u scared nobody wan u ah?."
LOL..mad mum! cute mum! that's my mum!
mum found me a job that day..it's at a lan shop but working hours is like 8pm to 3am. 7 hours! i am still thinking if i should go for an interview. i like working at a lan shop. it's really cool. so all i have to do is do cashier work,clean up the place etc etc. think there is no cooking and serving of food..thank god!! heehee! since i'm gonna be like rotting at home for the next two months before school starts in august.i guess i should go and work and earn some money for myself! heehee! the pay has to be discussed with the employers.they are from singapore too! ok..anyway, they better give me a reasonable pay! since the working hours is like till 3am in the morning and now that i got experience working in a lan shop! cool! oh man, can't wait to earn my own money! but so far it's all guys working there, i will be the first girl but they say they will employ more girls in future..i wonder why..(-.-)" heehee!
the last two nights had been spent with steph and doris. but yesterday was only spent with my dear friend steph. went to meet her at mill point last night.we were like chimneys..*choo*choo* smoke quite a lot. it's always fun when she's around. lolz! she comes up with the stupidest questions and answers and i found out something. she can't get her sexes right. "didn't jolin break up with her girlfriend?", "jay chou break up with him right?" lolz..what the!?!? lolz u stupid ba bi xing (babooseng). yes that chinese translation was said by her too. god, sometimes i wonder why i got such a spastic friend. =X oh well! without her, my life would be boring. she's an entertainer. hahaha! cheers to our friendship! =DDDDD okay, i better be off to cook dinner! spaghetti tonight since our fridge is empty! no fancy dinner tonight. lala! *waves byebye*
Eunice @ 3:22:00 AM
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Thursday, June 03, 2004
yesterday..i went on irc..surprisingly he went on too.. he used to put my channel on his auto-join list..so he joined and he parted the channel immediately...den he took my pics off his friendster..okay..i understand that..den i think he blocked me on msn..and he deleted me off his buddy list in gunbound..i'm like "WHAT THE HELL???" even though we broke up..are all these necessary? what's the point in doing that? u told me u will always be there for me that night on the phone..YAH RIGHT? HOW when u totally shut me out of ur life..??!?!? now we can't even talk..we can't even be friends...how wonderful..i guess that's what you want huh? i'm utterly disappointed in his actions..i really dunno what to say...seriously, i dun think that's even necessary..it's fuking childish..arghz...i'm so pissed...i guess the reason he gave me is just an excuse to get rid of me...he doesn't even feel the least bit of sadness...he can delete me off so easily...what else can i say?..i'm just stunned..and lost of words..steph told me to delete him off my msn list and i was like "what for?" i mean break up only right, doesn't mean that we can't stay as friends? and there i find him doing what steph ask me to do and he even deleted steph off his msn list -.-" yes..WHAT FOR AGAIN!!?!?..i'm realli realli realli disappointed..i noe i should move on..i noe i should give up..but it's only been 2 days since we broke up..it's hard for me to suddenly just let go like that..u guys all experienced break ups..u noe how hard it is to let go of someone u really really love..i will move on i promise u all..i will be strong...i will let him go..but give me more time...i will soon get over him..i noe people are worried for me..i really appreciate the support and care u guys are giving me..i won't neglect ur care and concern..i will start a brand new life soon..trust me...as what i always believed in..there is no forever...
Eunice @ 12:15:00 AM
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Tuesday, June 01, 2004
heartbroken..this is the word says it all..this is the word that describes me now..i called him up several times yesterday,and he finally pick up the call i made at around 5pm..i asked him if he's busy..he say he very busy..so i asked him if i could call him at night..he say no problem..he sounded normal. at that time, i was so happy i finally have a chance to talk things out with him, to explain things to him..but it turned out worst..worst than ever..i rather he continue ignoring my calls..this way, i won't hear him say he give up on me..i won't have to go through the heartbreaking conversation with him last night. no matter what i say, what i do, how i beg him not to leave me, it just won't change his mind. he say breaking up will be good for the both of us..why is he so selfish..he knows clearly that it will only put the two of us in more hurt and sadness by breaking up..and yet he decided to give up even though he still loves me...i really dun get it..i hate it when people always use this reason..i hate it..why can't they treasure their love ones when they have the chance to love them instead of giving up on them and letting them go and make both sides so miserable? what good will they get? how can people be so self-centred? it's the most stupid reason!!! why must he do this to me? he doesn't even know how i feel inside..he doesn't even know if it's good for me or not.people are just so selfish..who only think of themselves..instead of saying "carrying on will only hurt u more", why can't they think another way? why can't they say that "i will try to change so that i will stop hurting u?..at least they try right?...i asked him to give it another try but he doesn't want to. he say his heart is numb. numb cos i say break up!! he said it so many times, but i forgive him and gave him chance after chance. now i only said it once, and he say it's numb. i told him, every relationship will surely meet at least a break-up situation. even if it's another girl today with him, one day they will surely meet a break-up situation,are u gonna tell her and every other girl u meet that u're numb and let her go again? if u expect a relationship to be so smooth sailing, then dream on. i only said it once, and u say u're numb. then having the person i love so deeply give up on me when he still loves me is even more heartbreaking and hurting...i couldn't say more cos i was so damn disappointed..so i put down the phone...and that's the end...the end of our story...the end of everything..i have to learn to be independent now...i have lost the person who brought light into my world of darkness..i have lost the person who i worked so hard to become stronger, i have lost the person i love wholeheartedly...=~~
Eunice @ 1:43:00 AM
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